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"Unfortunately, I lost my sight in an accident, but I'm so grateful to have met you," I would say. "I'm happy enough. I really love you too, Mommy."
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At the age of 17, a car accident deprived me of sight, marking the beginning of a new chapter in my life as a blind individual. Along the way, I encountered a man I deeply desired to marry. Together, we courageously embraced the pursuit of our shared dreams: creating a family of our own, despite the challenges ahead.
Fortunately, we came across a decent hospital and a caring doctor who ensured a smooth pregnancy for a mother who was blind. Little did we know that I was blessed to have a physical constitution for a "rapid delivery.” In a remarkably short span of six hours from the onset of labor, I cradled our newborn in my arms.
Amidst the intense, yet fleeting anguish of childbirth, many thoughts surged through my mind as I held our precious child. The doubts and concerns emerged: "Will I be capable of raising this child in the best way possible?" "What challenges might my child encounter due to having visually impaired parents?" "How should my husband and I navigate our lives for the betterment of our child?" Time flew amidst these unresolved thoughts.
Although concerned about the potential difficulties of being blind parents, we thought we fully figured out diaper-changing and bathing techniques from other parents. However, my life as a caregiver proved to be way busier than anticipated. Cooking meals, breastfeeding, and changing diapers, these demands seemed never-ending. Even cooking, which I truly loved, left me feeling more exhausted.
With the assistance of government-supported postpartum helpers and activity support workers, we embarked on raising our newborn. Unlike today, when automatic dispensers simplify the process, I had to measure water, carefully relying on my senses. Trying to ensure our baby's comfort meant tightly swaddling her, but my attempts often fell short of my expectations, causing further frustrations.
In a world where eye contact and facial expressions eluded me, deciphering whether the baby was sleepy, hungry, or needing a diaper change demanded the utmost concentration. Every nerve was stretched to its limit. Sometimes, I was tempted to abandon everything, pretending I didn't notice the mess. I often had to rely on feel to gauge if a diaper needed to be changed or not. Looking back, I realized how uncomfortable and unfamiliar it was to feed, dress, bathe, and lull my newborn without the aid of sight. Nevertheless, it was all part of the process of finding my way and adapting to my circumstances.
Throughout this journey, I encountered moments of stress, depression, and frustration, but such emotions were only natural. Yet, amidst it all, certain memories lingered. During moments when my baby slept soundly, so peacefully that even their breath went unheard, anxiety would suddenly strike, compelling me to check their breathing by placing a hand on their face. I cried, angry and saddened by the inability to perform tasks that were once effortless and required only a glance.
Could anyone truly fathom the heart of a mother in such circumstances? My child thrived and became an elementary school student that year. Warm happiness radiated from my daughter, who lovingly uttered "I love you" multiple times a day, always by my side.
Listening silently, my child would embrace me tightly, and in that warm embrace, she felt a profound sense of joy. As a mother, I yearned to share the heartbreak and beauty of this life with future parents who would tread the same path, offering them love and warmth.
The love you can show your child knows no bounds, surpassing measurement in countless ways. In return, your child will bless you with something truly remarkable. Embrace the future with eager anticipation!